…and justice for all.

We all learn it.

If you are blessed enough to call the United States of America your homeland…you learned it.

Whether you learned it, like me, as a child in the school yard after repeating it every morning before you walked into your classroom for the day.

Or you learned it, like my friend’s mother, well into her adulthood during her Citizenship class.

You probably said it a million times: ”with liberty and justice for all.”

And although I’ve repeated it more times than I can remember, the last statement in the pledge of allegiance was heavy on my heart during my civil service.

The judge explained that justice is blind and the scales of justice start out even. It was our duty to see if, after all the evidence was presented, the scales leaned more to one side than the other. The jury is made up of 12 human beings who all bring their eyes, their experiences, and their biases to the jury holding room, and are then asked to lay them down and disregard them in order to seek justice.

To be honest, I can’t say I would choose to be on a jury. But once I was chosen, I took it seriously because:

God loves justice (The LORD loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love. Psalm 33:5)

God commands we seek it. (Learn to do right; seek justice. Isaiah 1:17)

God blesses those who maintain justice in a world that might not always seek it. If we want to maintain justice, we don’t get to pick and choose when we want to do right.  (Blessed are they who maintain justice, who constantlydo what is right. Psalm 106:3)

God requires us to act. (He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercyand to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8)

As I finished my jury duty, I couldn’t help but feel convicted. When I walked out of the four walls of the court room, it was clear to me that I don’t live in a world where justice is blind and the scales are even. Yet, I’m commanded to stand in the gap between those who need justice and the One who loves it.

How am I loving and seeking justice in my day to day life? How am I playing my part to bring liberty and justice for all?

Someday...I will.

I'd say I was surprised...but I really wasn't.

Whenever I go to a staff meeting, it never ceases to amaze me what I walk away with. And even as I write that sentence, I am still in complete awe of what God has done in a year's time. I'm working. Full-time. On a church staff.

But I digress...

The meeting started with updates and then turned to Pastor Holly giving what would be a soul stirring devotional.

She spoke about Psalm 9:

I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; 

    I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. 
I will be glad and rejoice in you;
    I will sing the praises of your name, O Most High.

She pointed out how David was intentional about using the words "I will" at the beginning of each line. He was intentional in his commitment to honor God. We were then challenged to write our own Psalm. What were our "I will's"?

I wrote:

I will love you, Lord, with a fully devoted and undivided heart.

I will tell how You changed my life once I surrendered it to Your will.

I will stay positive, and praise You Lord, even in the valleys (it's not about me).

I will make You top priority in my life.

Yet as the meeting ended and I went about my day, I had to stop and ask myself..."How ya doing with all that right there?"

Are my "I wills" really "I will someday?"

There are several areas in my life that have been stagnant. I will write regularly in a journal or blog. I will lose this weight I've been carrying so long. I will read that book from 2 connect groups ago. I will reach out to that friend who I've lost touch with.  

And then I heard His voice say: I will choose to live today like it was yesterday's someday. 

The difference between "I will someday" and "I will" is intention. I realized by writing down the words "I will love you, Lord, with a fully devoted and undivided heart" that I was saying NOW. Not in a few days. Not next week. Not when I feel like it.

Not someday.

Today. 

A Whisper to a Scream (It’s more than just a song from the 80s)

Love comes, down upon us
Til you flow like water
Burning, with the hope of insight

- (A Whisper to a Scream ~ The Icicle Works)

My church family has joined together to start 2012 off with 21 days of fasting and prayer. I started 2012 in the midst of emotions that I wasn’t quite able to put my finger on…emotions I knew if I didn’t get a hold of, would lead me down a path back to a place I didn’t want to visit. So I asked God to show me the things, people, places, situations that were distracting me.

The thing that I’ve found about my relationship with God is that I hear Him whisper to me all the time. A “don’t forget that bag” as I walk out of the house, that I grab without thinking…only to find I needed something in it several hours later. Sometimes it’s a word like “all in” that I find myself hearing and then sharing with a friend who needed to hear just that. Sometimes the whisper is a scripture that I have no idea why I’m being lead to until I’m reading it and knowing exactly why.

The thing about a fast, though, is that it seems those whispers become screams. As I press into Him, spend time in prayer and in the Word, His whispers sound like screams in my head. They are louder. They are clearer. And unlike a whisper that you can try not to hear…there’s no ‘not hearing’ a scream.

But even as I write this, I hear my Heavenly Father remind me…”am I screaming? Or are you just listening better? Have you cut out the people, and the things and the distractions that make My voice more easily heard?”

Yep. 

Deeply Rooted

As I drove to work yesterday, I found myself go from a state of shock, to becoming choked up, to a full on “ugly” cry. All because I drove past our city’s park. It looked like Tree-mageddon! My brain has still not comprehended the amount of destruction caused by one night of the worst winds southern California has ever seen. The landscape of the city has changed.

However, at the same time, I felt a gentle nudging in my heart to look for trees that were still standing. So as I drove, I started to make an effort to look for those trees…the trees whose roots were still firmly planted. By doing this, the landscape of the city had indeed…changed.

I saw some trees with snapped branches and some trees whose leaves had been shredded off. But they were still standing. I saw trees that looked like they were not touched by the wind at all, and still stood in all their majesty. I also saw trees that actually kept their flowers…flourishing after the storm.

I slowly began to realize as a follower of Christ, as a daughter of the King, highly favored and loved beyond measure…that I am like the trees still standing. The storms will come. Sometimes my branches will snap off, my leaves stripped. But because of the One I place my hope in, the One who calms my storms, rebukes the winds and is the firm foundation in which my roots are planted…I am also the tree that stands untouched and flourishing.

The way I look at the park changed because I realized there would still be trees left once the devastation was cleared. On top of that, new trees would be planted. The winds of change will come, but I’m so thankful that we serve a God that will help us to stand firm as we battle the storms in our lives. He also brings us along others who do the same and clears out the devastation around us.

Where are you planted? If it’s not in a relationship with Jesus Christ I pray that you will invite Him into your heart today and start building the landscape of your life around the God who loves you and wants to see you flourish…that regardless of the windstorms of life, your roots run deep.

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,  and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:16-19)

My "and" Moment

I got a job!

 

Awesomeness.

 

I so am not saying or thinking of that lightly. A little over a month ago I got down on my hands and knees and asked God to open a door.

 

Not because I deserved it.

 

Not because I didn’t believe it would happen.

 

Not because I couldn’t take it another day.

 

But because I was ready to take the next step in this journey and I knew God would be the only one to open the door in this crazy job market. It was a "Sun Stand Still" prayer. And He delivered…again.

 

This past week, as I wait for the job to actually start, I have been experiencing a myriad of emotions and attacks. Yes, that sneaky little enemy, the master of confusion, is definitely on the prowl trying to steal the joy and glory of this answered prayer. However, that has only made me more on guard and excited about what’s to come. Waiting for the moment that something else would be revealed to me.

 

And then it happened…my “and” moment.

 

I woke up this morning from the second dream this past week that riled up every “ugh” feeling imaginable. “Sure, you have a job…but you’re still alone,” is what I heard. Such a low blow…but equally obvious of what is going on. So I did what I usually do, I pulled out my trusty life verse to read and meditate on. The verse I pointed to the day I first believed and asked God to ‘prove it to me’: Philippians 3:13-14

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

 

The “and” in that verse smacked me in the face.

 

Have I been focusing my walk more on the “forgetting what is behind” and less on the “straining toward what is ahead?” It made me think of the lesson at Celebrate Recovery a couple weeks ago: seven reasons we get “stuck.”

 

Forgetting what happened and pressing on to my future CAN happen at the same time. Sometimes I feel like I’m waiting for this spiritual, “aha” moment that takes all the “ugh” feelings away and all the memories with it. At times, I believed that my recovery would only be complete when I forgot about the past. What a great way to keep me stuck at my life as it is “now” and not in pursuit of what He has for me down the road!

 

I love what Dr. Grant C. Richison says in his Verse-by-Verse commentary:

 

It is not enough to forget the things of the past. We should think of things ahead. There are horizons over yonder. There is so much unconquered spiritual territory we cannot waste time on past failures. We should invite God to push back our horizons. What would God do if we would let him? The best is yet ahead for the child of God. The best and most fruitful years are yet before the spiritually dynamic person.

 

So as I prepare for this new job, new opportunities, and the celebration of my 1st year at Celebrate Recovery, I find myself having my “and” moment.

 

Forgetting what is behind AND straining toward what is ahead.

 

AND believing that the “best is yet ahead” for this child of God. 

 

 

I'm No Rocket Scientist

The other day I was driving home in traffic and turned on the radio to see why in the world I was driving home in traffic. I caught the tail end of a news story about the NASA scientists in Florida who have had a difficult time finding jobs after the shut down of operations there. They were interviewing these men who were losing their houses or having to move oversees because they can’t find a job. They are overqualified and have such a specific skill set. I’m sure they never in a million years thought they’d find themselves here: unemployed and unemployable.

These men are Rocket Scientists and they can’t find a job.

I thought of all the times I heard my grandpa say “well, I’m no Rocket Scientist but...” as he went on to prove his intelligence in an area. Rocket Scientists are way smart. Smarter than I will ever be but they can’t find a job. If they can’t find a job, how on Earth will I?

And even as I type that, I am reminded of the abundance of blessing I have been afforded during this time of unemployment. The fear of no health coverage the first few months of this year has been trumped by months of not having to go to the doctor. A part-time, temporary job that helped me remember what I’m good at and how I flourish when I’m working in the right atmosphere with the right people and the right attitude. The ability to pay my bills every month and a roof over my head.

I still may be no rocket scientist…but I am blessed and highly favored.

And I will find a job. 

Hurts, Habits, Hang-Ups and Hangnails

I got home the other day and as I was relaxing catching up on the latest news, my finger brushed up against my pillow and….OUCH!! Hangnail! How could such a small piece of a slightly torn skin cause so much pain! For the next day or so, I am reminded each time that little, micro-small piece of my body comes in contact with ANYTHING…OUCH!!

I can’t help to think about some of the hurts in my life in the same way. What appears to be something that seems so small can cause so much unnecessary pain. I can deny, and even sometimes, forget that the hurt is there…until it brushes up against a hurtful comment, a broken promise, or a car cutting me off in traffic and…BAM! The pain comes back and reminds me that the “little” thing I’m ignoring is still there.

And it still hurts.

What I’ve learned is that the “little” hurts matter. I can only ignore them for so long. The problem with ignoring the small hurts is they seem to flare up in the most inopportune times and very often are just a byproduct of something bigger. When triggered, they leave me in a state of not being able to focus on anything but the pain.

So here’s to dealing with the hangnails in life! Nipping them in the bud when they first appear, moisturizing them properly so they can heal, and giving them the time they need to do so. 

Where’s my nail clipper? 

9 Months

I can’t help but think about babies when I think about 9 months at Celebrate Recovery. Interestingly enough, I have several friends who either gave birth, or are about to give birth this month. As I’ve watched them wait with anticipation for this new life on the way, I think one word sums up a lot of what they are experiencing: Hope.

Hope that the new life will mature to its due date.

Hope that they are doing everything they can to prepare their home for the new addition.

Hope that this new life will be afforded all the opportunities that they’ve been blessed to have, and then some.

Who will they be? How will they change the world? 

When I come back each week…when I share my story or hear the stories of women in my group…I see the same thing…new lives being formed…I see hope. 

Bellyflop Faith

This past weekend I got to watch my brother’s kids. I love the time I get to spend with them because it never ceases to amaze me at what they teach me every single time. We ended up spending an awful lot of time near the pool. They both are on swim teams, and both had swim meets, so I got to see them in their competitive mode. I also got to see all the hours of practice pay off, as they are both very good, and brought home several ribbons.

But it’s the time we spent near the pool at home that left the biggest impression on me. It always ends up with someone who’s not supposed to be getting wet…well…getting drenched! The only competition that occurs is who can make the biggest splash. My 7 year old nephew gets his little legs going, yells at the top of his lungs, “Watch this!! Watch this!!” and proceeds to fling himself, face first, arms spread out wide, belly exposed….SPLASH!!!!

When he pops his head above water, I expect to see the look of pain and anguish, but instead, he just wants to see how big his splash was and who he hit with it (and if it gets his older sister…you bet that’s worth some braggin’).

I couldn’t help but think…I want a faith like that!

That’s the kind of faith I’m in need of during this season of not knowing what is next. I want to let go of what is holding me back, run full force with all my gusto, fully surrendered and ready to throw myself into wherever God sees me making the “biggest splash” for His kingdom! Sure, I know that along with that leap of faith might come a bit of sting to my belly. But I want my focus to be so transfixed to who the “splash” is reaching that all I can do is celebrate once my head comes up from below water!

So in the true spirit of my nephew, I'm ready to run full force, arms outreached and yelling at the top of my lungs to God, "Watch this! Watch this!"  

The Root of the Matter

So there’s a good chance we are putting the house up for sale. Being unemployed and not being able to financially help my parents out has been a bit of a challenge. Fighting the pangs of codependency because I know there is no way to “fix” this. So I do what I can, which means putting on my overalls (figuratively) and helping with getting the house curb-appeal ready.

                                                

As I was out in the yard cleaning up a flower bed, I was met by what I could only describe as a slab of concrete. In actuality, it was dirt that was so embedded with the roots from our oak tree, that the surface could not be penetrated. Nothing you plant there could grow, the roots had taken over and no seed had a chance. I rolled up my sleeves and really got to work. It took every muscle in my body to break that ground and turn the Earth, but as I cut through the roots, the soil became softer and easier to work with.

It was then that it dawned on me that my 6-month milestone was coming this week with Celebrate Recovery and I pretty much had a moment there in the midst of soil and sweat: How similar my recovery journey was to this soil bed? When I came to Christ 15 years ago, I know that I was immediately delivered from some hurts, habits and hang-ups. God had certainly broken the surface. However, it wasn’t until I started dealing with the root of my issues, exposing them to myself and trusted friends, and surrendering them to God, that I was able to really see changes in my life. Every week that I “keep going back” I see strongholds broken in my life, and seeds planted in a soil so much more ready for growth.

I’m starting to see the fruits of the labor…and I’m so very excited to see what else grows.

My Green Thumb

Several months ago, I noticed that the rose bushes in our backyard were fried. I started trimming them down, and even the thorns seemed petrified. I pulled the weeds around it. Put in some new soil and turned the earth. Made sure it was watered and sprinkled some plant food.

Imagine my surprise this week when my eye was drawn to a bright pink rose in the center of that once petrified bush. I know I’m not the first to make the connection between gardening and life…but a connection was made. Even though that bush looked good and done, dry as can be and not a sign of life to it…I still tended to it. I still believed, at some level, that a little attention to it would bring a flower eventually. It just took time. And hope.

The fact is the bloom would never have come unless I: 1) clipped off the dead branches, 2) cleaned out the weeds, 3) watered & fed it and 4) wait. Yes…WAIT. 

I think that’s why I’m enjoying gardening so much – my life at this point is very much like that flower bed. I’m in the process of learning to pull the weeds in my life. Cleaning out the dead and overgrown stems. Trying to make sure I get plenty of water, and lots of sun. And no matter what…I keep on sowing. The flowers won’t come overnight, but if I keep at it, they WILL come back. I just have to get my mind around trimming off those dead blooms and LETTING THEM GO.  

I can’t wait to be that beautiful garden again…